The power of NOT inviting your children
While inviting people to join in, gather around or do something together has its place and time for sure, I’m going to tell you about another very beneficial practice that is one of the keys in having independent and inspired kids and an overall chilled atmosphere at home.
Let’s dive in.
As soon as you want to do yoga on your own, your kids will want to jump on your back, run around, ask you questions and join in. Sounds familiar? There’s a way to make this tendency for FOR you, not against you.
On silent hikes, I sometimes guide people to walk through the forest in stillness and observe what invites them in to explore and play. This is the ideal state for human beings to live in this world. It creates deep interaction and balance. For children, it is natural.
When we take this wisdom and integrate it into our daily lives, it also creates independent play as a side effect. So instead of “telling them to put the screens away” or “inviting them to draw or play with me”, I place myself in their vicinity and start doing something that invites ME. Something easy and stress-free.
Now. To see someone do something interesting and easy is magnetic to kids. “Mommy, what are you doing? Can I join in?” Instead of dragging them into activities, being the initiator, stressing out, tensing, and turning them dependent on my input, THIS is what I want. THEM initiating their own actions. Now it’s THEIR idea to join me; it’s their own choice of activity. When I have spent some time doing this with them (2-5min), I simply move on to something else I need or want to do: write on my computer, read or cook something. And they usually take over their play from there and totally forget about me. Magic!
The trick is not to have an agenda. I never EXPECT them to switch or take over or start playing. I simply set an atmosphere of calm co-creation in me and around me. And 80% of the time, it is contagious. It is the “focus on your desires in a non-attached way” manifested in parenting and atmosphere creation.
Switching from being the initiator into being the laid-back, creative and safe container and atmosphere for your kids is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. As a bonus, it gives you the inner and outer space and time to bring yourself back to balance, alignment, and flow.
I also tend to leave (new/potentially interesting) stuff out in the open for them to find and explore instead of inviting them to explore this with me. It is a small but significant change that will bring about self-led learning, independent and invested children, inspiration, easy new experiences and a low-stress - no-stress lifestyle.
Hi! I’m IIDALA aka Iida-Leena Materasu ,and I’m a professional therapist, writer, spiritual mentor, mother, woman, and human being, who has walked the path of healing for more than 20 years. I facilitate breathwork and nondual healing groups, offer courses, subscription programs, and silent nature hikes as well as receive clients one-on-one live and via zoom. To book a session or get more info on NONDUAL courses or programs, feel free to explore the website or contact me directly.
