How to (not) protect myself
Something happens. You react. And the broad brushstrokes of protection emerge. Fight. Flight. Freeze. In the case of severe mental, emotional or physical danger, it is totally justified. Protection is not good or bad. It is a survival mechanism.
And the state of awareness of a still somewhat unconscious human is to have a subtle layer of protection up at all times. The default setting of the physical universe of duality is that of “danger”. We keep ourselves a little separate from our environment. From other people. And from ourselves. There is the mental, emotional and physical field of “I am dangerous. The physical universe is dangerous. You are dangerous.” And unless we consciously choose differently and allow it to evaporate in our personal experience, this is where we operate from. We walk around with a subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) protective shield up at all times. Comfy, acceptable, known…. and I’m sorry, but….boring. Boring as hell. Literally. The box you place yourself in that doesn’t let the light, the game, the connection, the communication, the possibilities, the LIFE in..it’s simply… boring!
You fit in. But you don’t belong.
So it serves us to wonder. It serves us to ponder. How do I protect myself? What comes up in my body? What comes up in my mind? Listen in. Be surprised. Do not censor yourself.
I tell other people that I don’t need them.
I tell myself that I don’t need other people.
I hold a field of subtle tension in my body.
I blame.
I do not allow my environment to fully support me; I do not receive.
I walk on eggshells.
I tell you what to do, but I don’t follow through.
I fidget.
I wriggle.
I give, but I don’t allow myself to get.
I close my heart.
I don’t touch.
I don’t explore.
The only one I really keep away is the very essence of myself. It’s myself I’m trying to protect myself from. Because I have taken on and believed the story that I’m dangerous. That the energy is dangerous. That the movement of energy in my body is dangerous. (E-motion = energy in motion.)
Can you feel the protective layer intensifying in you just by reading this?
Knowing now that you have this second and all the time in the world - can you melt the barrier and acknowledge the healing?
I am safe.
Everyone is safe with me.
All the time in the world. The blanket is safe. The chair is safe. My body is safe. My touch is safe. My breath is safe. The fire is safe. The air is safe. I am safe. He is safe. She is safe. The words are safe. The silence is safe. The birth is safe. The death is safe. I am free. The connection is here. I’m here to connect. I’m safe. I’m sound. I’m here, unbound.
And from that place, a new, spontaneous and conscious, happy, free, adventurous and alive LIFE can begin.
